Emotions

I have been so emotional the past few days.  Has anyone else out there ever been overly emotional as their "babies" 1st birthdays are looming?  I catch myself being sad one minute (no more little baby), happy another (we made it through the first year! whew!), excited (who doesn't look forward to their babies 1st birthday?), worried (how will the party turn out and dear Lord please help me as we move out of the baby stage) and just overall sentimental.  I get it honestly from my Dad and Grandpa... but still... geez.  If I am this emotional about his birthday how am I ever going to handle pre-school or Kindergarten?? :) 

I was putting him to sleep last night and out of nowhere just started sobbing... like the alone in your room sob that you can't control.  I sat there holding my curled up, gentle, trusting little boy and had such sweet thoughts of where we were a year ago this time compared to where we are now.  A year ago I was a day away from my due date, praying that he would come before my birthday so he had his own special day.  I had spent the weeks leading up to his arrival washing his clothes, preparing all of his things and reading up on what to expect.  I was sad one minute (don't judge me, its overwhelming to think about the changes your life is about to have), happy another (elated really:)), excited (lets do this attitude!), worried (labor and delivery is such a crazy experience) and overall sentimental.  The same thoughts that were consuming me last night, just in a very different way.  All my emotions of where I was last year came flooding in as I thought about where we are now. 

Paxton turns one tomorrow and I've determined I'm NOT having a selfsish emotional breakdown.  I've known people who are that way and their emotions overpower the event (be it good or bad).  I'm just feeling very sentimental as I look back on how far we have come in a year and how much we have to look forward to.  I think alot of it too, is when you want to have a child as badly as Matthew and I did, you deep down inside, look forward to going through the milestones of your childs growth, you feel a since of pride for him/her and then that pride comes out in emotions... I just happen to cry. :) Like my Dad :)  

I ask myself this all the time... How did we create this perfect little guy and how in the world does God see us worthy of raising him?  I felt this way being pregnant with him and I feel it even moreso now.  I'll never know the answer ... but, I do know... As hard as I prepared for Paxton to get here, I will work just as hard to preapre myself and him for every milestone in life he'll achieve. For this, I know, I'll need to lean on God and he'll guide me - I am so thankful He allows us to put our trust in Him.  

What a difference a year makes - and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Now, time to party!! :) and...if you see me crying this weekend, now you know why :))

Until next time... lots of love!